The Farm Where Donald Lives

Note: It’s hard to believe it’s been 25 years since I first stepped foot onto the farm where Donald lives, but it has. In March, 1987 I was an undergrad psychology student and was hired by the Lackeys to help run the Center for Living and Learning, a new residential treatment facility located just south of Nashville. It was my first job in the field. I worked at the Center for nearly three years before moving to North Carolina. My experiences at the farm, and specifically with Donald, had a profound impact on my career and life. I stumbled upon this essay tucked among some other old papers at my Mom’s house recently. It was written not long after I left the Center, circa 1990. Twenty-five years later, the Center is thriving. Donald still lives there and is doing great!  Center for Living and Learning

“Time it was,

And what a time it was,

It was….

A time of innocence

A time of confidences

Long ago… it must be…

I have a photograph.

Preserve your memories,

They’re all that’s left you.”

-from Bookend’s Theme

by Paul Simon

Three autumns I witnessed magic sprinkle hues of orange across the farm where Donald lives. Falls there are spectacular. In Fall, farmland stands boldly and boasts: “It’s harvest, labor’s reward.”

Arrangements were being made to turn six acres behind the house in preparation for next spring’s planting. The gourds were all gutted, the martin’s descended, harvest moon had come and gone, and I had decided to go. One final time, though, I paused to marvel at God’s handiwork in the fields. And inside the house where Donald lives.

Inside the farmhouse, situated on 30 acres of lush Dixie soil, Donald has just rendered a water color portrait, a conglomeration of facial semblances the artist reveals as a friend once known well, now rarely remembered. For hours, the newly retrieved soul mate of long ago is the topic of conversation: Tommy Adair played shortstop, Tommy Adair spat watermelon seeds on the girls at Vacation Bible School. Within the thick brush strokes of abstract blues and greens lie an intimation to the beauty of this man’s soul.

Donald has schizophrenia. The illness which has been a part of his life for over two decades doesn’t usually interfere with his daily farm chores or activities, although a severe case of tardive dyskinesia, a muscular disorder resulting from psychotropic drugs prescribed several years ago, often turns his muscles to knots and causes his limbs to contort in pain. A good rub-down helps. Yet, at times the pain is unbearable and he’ll scream out into the Tennessee wood. There were times we wondered whether God still heard his cries.

Fortunately, Donald has benefitted from Clozapine, an experimental drug which is proving effective in the treatment of patients suffering from severe mental illnesses, although it is likely to be years before the medicine is readily available to the masses in need.

Life at the farm these past few years has helped Donald, as well. When the pain subsides, Donald tends to his rows of snow peas and his cries are replaced by some song he bellows like a pubescent choir boy. I’ve accused him of being the only person in Nashville who sings more off-key than I do. Together, we’re like a pair of hound dogs serenading the neighborhood. But I swear the man has memorized the lyrics to every song recorded since the 1950’s even though he couldn’t tell you where he put his shoe strings ten minutes ago. And we go on pretending we’re Simon and Garfunkel for audiences with fingers plugging their ears.

Like a lot of people with schizophrenia, Donald was stricken with the illness at the onset of adulthood, an above average college student and decent tennis player at the University of Tennessee. The illness eventually ended his college career and sent him on a journey to a string of psychiatric facilities throughout the country for the better part of 20 years - including the past 10 years at the Ann Sippy Clinic in Los Angeles.

Finally, his family recognized his health deteriorating and his chances for recovery growing nil. The Lackeys, a prominent Nashville family, banded together and bought a serene farm just south of the city for their brother, then proceeded to invite others with mental illnesses to join him. The founding board of directors included a number of prominent celebrities and politicians such as UT football coach Johnny Majors, former Governor Winfield Dunn, Grand Ole Opry star Minnie Pearl (Sarah Cannon), who is a family friend, and Dr. William Lawson, renowned for his research on the topic at Vanderbilt University.

In the meantime, interest was arousing among professionals in the mid-state area dedicated to the treatment of mental illness. Thus, the Center for Living and Learning was born.  

A young psychology student, I responded to a classified ad in the Nashville Banner and jumped at the opportunity for free room and board. For the first six months, only Donald and I lived at the Center – on the cusp of growth and progress.

Three years later, the Center has become an important cog in the mental health community, thanks largely to the directorship of Donald’s youngest sister Fran, a dedicated staff, and hundreds of others who have contributed in significant ways.

The annual celebrity golf tournament was a huge success this year and is expected to fund several new projects, including a six-acre pick-your-own garden located on the premises scheduled to be in operation next Fall that will feature pumpkins, strawberries and vegetables. The brunt of the labor will be performed by the residents, which is congruent with one of the Center’s most basic philosophies: that work – in whatever form in may take – is both generative and re-integrative. Profits will go toward reducing admission fees paid by the client’s families. And benefits of the daily interaction among the general public could prove enormous in each resident developing the self-confidence, interpersonal skills and practical tools necessary to integrate back into mainstream society, the Center’s loftiest goal for each resident.

The twenty-minute drive from my Nashville apartment each day is a spiritual experience, as I meander beyond the city through sprawling horse farms, antebellum estates, crape myrtle, and finally to the doorsteps at the Center. If I’m early enough, I’ll catch sight of the Barbar’s milk truck which stumbles down the laneway. Once more, Donald has cajoled the milk man out of a quart carton of chocolate milk which he slyly consumes before anyone notices. The smells of country morning ooze from the kitchen throughout the dew-wet yards in vapors of black coffee and scrambled eggs.

John greets me first. He’s en route to the mailbox to retrieve the newspaper, his morning chore which you could set your clock by. John is a classical guitarist. He plays in solitude for hours each day on a six-string which echoes the magic of Northeastern concert halls he once knew. He was once of Carnegie Hall caliber, claim his parents, who live in Maryland. He misses them, at times dearly. And in quiet moments, I believe he and his instrument speak to each other in piquant communication that those of us who don’t know heartache on a first-name basis can understand. In my wildest dreams, I cannot fondle the nape and neck of a guitar as swiftly and gracefully as John. 

Despite being wildly delusional (he sees the dog move his bone telepathically across the back yard and swears aliens visit him regularly at night), John is a scholar of Greek philosophy, literature and culinary. His family owns a Greek restaurant in Annapolis. We often beg John to cook for us which he sometimes does and is always delicious.

There’s Jules. A while back, my girlfriend and I had had Jules over to our place for dinner. Afterward, topics of conversation over strong coffee ranged from Tolstoy to the Boston Red Sox to the American Rural South. Jules is a gentle man from a family of academia whose failings at Vanderbilt still gnaw at him ten years later. Jules represents the most frustrating of patients for care-takers of the mentally ill: he is so often lucid and capable of maintaining appropriate behavior that his moments of occasional regression are always surprising. And violent.  Soon, surely, we believe some combination of drugs and therapy will boost Jules just over that imaginary line of sanity to the wife and children he so longs for.

Alison was a young and pretty equestrian and the most tormented person I’ve ever known. The demons of her sickness danced in her mind like savage nightmares night and day until they were quieted forever when she overdosed on anti-psychotic drugs. God himself, I believe, smiled quietly the day Alison’s suffering ended.

Bobby thought he was Jesus and insisted on laying his hands on any woman he thought might be pregnant; Robert was a poet; Michael could whip anyone at ping pong and cried at night for his mother. Others came and went, some successfully, some not; all have provided this disciple of psychology a wealth of experiences I shall forever cherish.

My role at the Center evolved. I tended to research and development and public relations in the end, most of my time spent on the telephone or in meetings alongside professionals in the field, instead of the corn field. College behind me, opportunities I couldn't deny awaited me in another state. So I left.

But, as Autumns wiggle in and reminiscence calls back memories tucked tidily away, I know that I will recall my first few months with Donald with longing and childlike fondness. The times Donald and I waded the Harpeth River with blue jeans rolled up past our calves or baked our shoulders in the summer sun waiting for just one fish to test its fate on the other end of the line. Much laughter and many tears we shared. I re-taught him to shave his face and he taught me about life. I quickly learned the meaning within what at first appeared a language unintelligible and found there much wisdom as we floated down the river in his sister’s canoe or rambled shirtless about the farm like little boys. I’ll remember the glimmer in his pale blue eyes when he witnessed the first gracious cardinal waddle onto the patio to accept the bread crumbs he left for it. And the time we ran through the lit streets of downtown Nashville laughing freely during the Summer Light’s Festival. With bands beating cadence boldly on both sides of us – our hearts mocked the pounding.

Oh, what a time it was, Donald Lackey, my dear friend.

Observations of an August day in Hackleburg, AL

I’m pumping gas at the Shell station alongside Hwy 43 in tornado-ravaged Hackleburg, a small town tucked among the hills and hollows of Northwest Alabama, not far from where I spent much of my childhood and where my mother now lives.

I’m hearing the lone sound coming from a shirtless man atop his tarp-draped roof as he rhythmically, methodically hammers in the hot August sun. The tornado cleared out the thickets of pines which would have muffled such sounds that now drift unimpeded to me, a subtle hint of the storm’s affect among many more obvious ones.

It’s been a few months since the late April twister obliterated Hackleburg.

My mother’s neighborhood was spared, but not much else was. The school, the one grocery store, the pharmacy, the bank, the dollar store, and dozens of homes reduced to rubble in a matter of furious moments.

I’m struck by the silence. I guess I thought it would be different. I expected the town to be a hubbub of activity. I envisioned teams of volunteers here helping victims pick up the pieces, big trucks with FEMA plastered on the sides rolling down the road. I’m realizing that recovery is a slow process, one hammer and one nail at a time. Now there’s a chain saw buzzing far away in the distance.

This would make for a better story if I could describe Hackleburg as a quaint and charming town, but it’s not. In fact, most of the buildings downtown here have been empty and deteriorating for many years. It would be hard for an outsider to distinguish which were destroyed by the tornado from the ones destroyed from a generation of neglect. I’m thinking most owners of these buildings will be more likely to pocket whatever insurance money they can collect than rebuild and that no one would blame them if they did.

The good news is that the Wrangler plant announced it would rebuild. That’s been the chatter among locals the last few days. The factory was by far the largest employer in town and the news was welcome indeed and makes it much more likely that the Piggly Wiggly and the hardware store will rebuild too.

Earlier in the day, I drove down to the place I claim as my childhood home. Time is a funny thing. Is it really true that I only lived here for six years, I think to myself and redo the math in my head.  Six years fly by in leaps and bounds now but back then they inched along at a snail’s pace. I was antsy to escape the woods and childhood, now I long for both. My best and worst memories reside there: learning to drive and to shave and falling in love and getting my heart broken for the first time and being terrified by the ghosts that lived inside the house that would eventually burn to the ground not long after we moved away.

The patch of land where my daddy planted rows of peas and corn has been overcome by pine trees and kudzu. The pond where I used to walk to is gone too, the result of one too many summer draughts I suppose. We always said that pond was haunted and I prefer to believe that evil spirits just decided to make it disappear one Harvest moon midnight.

I realize for the first time that I’ve lived long enough to notice a significant change in landscape. And I’m not sure what to make of that. I realize that the world changes, nature she has her way and that it doesn’t take a bulldozer to alter the scenery, that the world is an organic, fluid, evolving thing.

No matter what one does to try and slow things down, time marches on. And time changes things.

Back at my mom’s house, it’s her 86^th birthday and my two little girls are here with me, making decorations and presents for her. Mother’s tired eyes sparkle when my girls bound into the room. I catch her staring at them and I speculate that her mind has wandered to the days of her own childhood and I wonder if she’s thinking to herself, “my how the time has flown by” and I wonder if it’s comforting to her to think that the day is soon coming when she’ll be reunited with my daddy in heaven and I think of a thousand other things in a blink of an eye but mostly I’m just glad that circumstances have allowed me to be here for this moment in time with the most important people in the world.

Outside, the August sun settles in the west and the familiar smells of honeysuckle and mimosa and chicken houses mingle with the sounds of hammering and a chainsaw across the hollow.

Teach children to stay positive in a world filled with yucky stuff

Tsunamis, a disappearing college fund, global warming, wars with no end in sight…... there’s plenty for young people to worry about these days. It can be downright depressing.

It’s important, however, that parents and other care-takers of small children help them maintain a positive outlook on life. We’ve long known that negative thoughts are toxic. Gloom and doom thinking takes its toll on the still-developing brain (no one wants an underperforming hippocampus!) -- the results of which can show up in the classroom, the playground, around the dinner table and everywhere else. Worry can literally make us sick.

Like most things, modeling is key. If parents and teachers tend toward the morbid and macabre, chances are their little ones will follow closely behind in their footsteps.

Since humans are creatures of habit, a big part of a parent’s job is to help their kiddos develop good ones. And that includes how we deal with life’s boo-boos, boogey-men and other yucky stuff.

First, a disclaimer: Clinical Depression is a very real brain disease and not uncommon among young folks. It can be debilitating if not treated properly by a physician. In no way I am trying to minimize the importance of seeking appropriate medical care for the condition.

But, I’m not talking about Clinical Depression. I’m talking about worry and fear. I’m talking about coping with life’s day-to-day circumstances, some of which is indeed frightful.

Here’s the thing: most children are more worried with being left off the birthday party list than any mutating influenza virus and impending pandemic. Bullies on the playground pose more of a threat than Taliban insurgents in the hills of Afghanistan in the eyes of your typical kindergartner.

But the playground provides many great lessons for the larger world in which they occupy. Here’s one: this too shall pass.

My theory is that if we can help children understand perspective, balance and problem-solving with the (seemingly) small stuff, they’ll better be able to deal with the big stuff in constructive ways down the road. And, hopefully avoid turning into pessimists, hypochondriacs, hermits and doomsdayers. We’ll need the next generation to be on its toes if it’s going to fix all the messes we’ve made for them.

My daughters are eight and five. I love our bedtime talks. Their understanding of the world in which they live and place in it always amazes me. In a few years, I’ll be invited to their private world less often, just as they’re confronting more sophisticated fears. I know that this is my window to lay the foundation for effective patterns of communication and methods of deconstructing problems. Hopefully the foundation will serve us well through the slings and arrows of adolescence and beyond.

I’ve learned from my daughters that frequent reality checks are important in order to dispel misinterpretations and misconceptions picked up on the playground or overheard from the evening news when I thought they were sound asleep. Fear tells lies. No, we don’t have an ogre that lives in our woods; no it’s unlikely we’ll have a monsoon in North Carolina; yes, it’s a good idea to come inside when it starts lightning. I try to practice active listening with my daughters (that mostly means shut up and let them talk) and help them sort through fact and fiction. Most times, the logical conclusion is… “that’s not so scary, after all.”

It’s not that I’m encouraging my daughters to be naïve or Pollyanna. I know there is plenty of scary stuff out there. I’m terrified for my little girls. But living out a life filled with fearfulness only warps ones sense of reality. Fear distorts. In fact, the sky is NOT falling.

Like most parents, my instinct is to hold on (too) tightly and not let anything bad happen. But, I’ve seen “Finding Nemo” enough to learn my lesson. Better judgment prevails. I’m not really going to find a deserted island to ship them off to before boys start sniffing around. I will teach them, however, that a swift kick in a certain area will promptly stop a boy in his tracks if he’s getting too fresh.

And I also know this: hanging on too tightly will just make then want to go bungee jumping and get things pierced by the time they’re in 4th grade. Deep down, I do want them to experience the joy of racing wildly on their bicycles with their hair blowing crazily in the wind. But I’ll be cringing every second until they come to a complete stop at the bottom of the hill and be there with kisses for their boo-boos and Dora the Explorer Band-Aids when they crash.

Most times, experience is the best teacher. Every now and then my girls will need to experience failure to fully gain a sense of their own strength and resiliency… You now, take a few lumps and get back up off the mat (as hard as that might be for me to watch). If you face fear head on a few times, he starts to seem a little less menacing. Now is a good time to learn that lesson, while I’m just around the corner to help them pick up the pieces.

Balance is important, too. Sure, there’s plenty to worry about. We either dwell on it or we go outside and splash in mud puddles. Childhood is fleeting. Negativity is bound to creep in. Meanness and jealousy and greed and fear will have their say. Anything we can do to preserve the natural state of childhood (which is, of course, purely innocent and downright goofy) and encourage milk-shooting-through-nose uproarious laughter and other such silliness, to me, is the best way to ward off the sinister forces of fear.

I’m thinking if my girls are spending most of their time playing Twister and catching lightning bugs then they’ll just be too busy having fun to worry themselves with the darker elements of life… at least it can be postponed until they’re more mature and prepared to do so, both cognitively and psychologically. The last thing I want is for the joy of childhood to be compromised by a bunch of grown-up worries. Fear robs.

Here’s more of what I want for my children (all children): I want them to see the beauty in everyday things. To see the glass half full. To stop and smell the roses. To see the good in people and trust in the good-ness of humankind, not in a naïve way, but in a faithful way (the opposite of fear is faith).

I want them to understand that it’s always darkest just before dawn and that just behind every thunderstorm is a clear, blue sky. I want them to value the simple things in life: that the birth of a butterfly is magic and an afternoon looking for four-leaf-clovers is a perfect antidote for an absolutely dreadful math teacher or the obligatory tragic lead story on the seven o’clock news.

Life is good. It’s a little scary sometimes, but good, nevertheless. Dangerous? It can be, but most times it’s safe (just look both ways, buckle-up, scrub your fruits and vegetables and keep plugging along). Yes, there are some downright awful people in the world, but the nice ones outnumber them a thousand to one.

Mostly I want my children to know this: in this life there is a constant tug and pull between good and evil, love and hate. But in the end, good wins out. Love prevails.

Sixty million orphans will go to bed hungry tonight; $15 will feed an orphan for a month

When I hung up the phone after a long conversation with my friend Gary VanDyke, I knew what I had to do. Gary had just returned from a trip to China where he was exploring new orphanages the nonprofit he runs, Food for Orphans, could support.

His stories were heart-wrenching.

He told me about the orphanage he visited that was packed with about 70 babies, all of them blind… the brave little girl he met, fighting for her life, after her parents tossed her out of a moving car because they didn't want her any more… the children at the orphan school who are only allowed to eat two bites from their school lunch because they have to take the rest back to share with their foster families....the orphanage of abandoned children of prostitutes... the AIDS babies....

As the father of two little girls, it was too much for me to just ignore. I decided to put aside my other projects for the time being and devote my full time and energy to helping Gary raise money for Food for Orphans.

I'm hoping you will help me.

Although the issues contributing to poverty, hunger and orphaned children are indeed complex ones, the mission of Food for Orphans is simple and straightforward: make sure every orphan receives at least one nutritious meal per day. Many times, that’s the difference between life and death.

The numbers may seem overwhelming:


• There are over 150 million orphans worldwide
• 44,000 new orphans every day
• Every 90 seconds another orphan starves to death
• 60 million orphans go to bed hungry every night


But here’s the amazing part: It only takes $15 to feed an orphan EVERY DAY for a MONTH.

Think about it, what we pay for a cheap entrée in a restaurant here will feed a kid for a month in a third-world country. $150 per month will feed ten orphans every day and $600 per month will feed 40 orphans (an entire average-size orphanage).

I’m asking everyone I know to consider making a donation.

The easiest way is on the Food for Orphans website. It’s quick and secure. Click on the Donate Now button on the Food for Orphans website.

Food for Orphans is a 501(c)3 organization; your donations are tax deductible to the fullest extent provided by the IRS.

You can rest assured that the money you donate will get to the orphans who need it. We've all heard stories about unscrupulous officials intercepting monies intended for charitable purposes. Food for Orphans is very active and involved in the orphanages, orphan schools and foster care facilities it supports and keeps close tabs on its donations.

Well-trained and experienced staff at Food for Orphans visit orphanages, evaluate programs, measure the needs of orphans and projects, and train the orphan caregivers on diet and nutrition.

I am confident that Food for Orphans is providing food for children who truly need help, mostly in orphanages in the poorest third-world countries – currently in Asia, Africa, Central America, South America, and the Caribbean.

Food for Orphans only supports reputable orphanages who are trying their best to tend to the needs of the children in their care, yet struggle to provide food for them. They require financial accountability, monthly reports, updates on the condition of the orphans, and unlimited access to the project.

In most cases, food is purchased in the village where the orphanage is located which helps bolster the local economy. Sometimes they ship large containers of dehydrated meals.

Last year, Food for Orphans provided 600,000 nutritious meals to hungry orphans. The goal for 2011 is one million.

I know times are tough and many of you are struggling to make ends meet. I also know that there are hungry children who need help right here in the US.

But, the level of poverty in some of these third-world countries is unimaginable to most of us. Orphan children, already with so many odds stacked against them, are the poorest of the poor, certainly “the least among us.”

For them, we may be their only safety net. For them, a $15 donation may be the difference between life and death.

Whatever you can do will be greatly appreciated.

Food for Orphans
PO Box 26123
Colorado Springs, CO 80936

Visit the Food for Orphans website

Bikram Yoga: That's Hot! One Man's Testimonial on the Latest Health Craze

Not being one to miss out on anything that’s “all the rage,” I recently tried Bikram Yoga. And I’m hooked.

Profile: I’m 40-something, reasonably fit, tried yoga a few times several years ago, and have a few aches and pains from old sports injuries. I don’t stretch much but know that I should.

I also despise the cold. The favorite part of my “workout” is typically the sauna, particularly in the winter. So the thoughts of clearing my mind and sweating out some toxins and getting in some good stretches in a 105 degree room seemed like a great idea. Maybe meet some interesting new people too.

Also, being known to throw back a few beers with my buddies from time to time and being a sucker for Chubby Tacos on 9th St., I figured Bikram was a great way to shed some calories reasonably painlessly and efficiently (as in not running, which I hate). I heard rumors that one could drop as many as 900 calories in a single 90-minute session.

A swanky new studio opened up not far from where I live in a converted warehouse next to a bunch of art studios. I signed up for the 7-day trial.

Like many newbies to Bikram I’m guessing, mid-way through the first session, I honestly thought I was going to die right there on my mat. But I survived.

The session was intense and difficult. Note: 90 minutes can seem like a VERY long time. The heat was almost overwhelming, even to a heat miser like me. I got home around 9 PM, ready to collapse in bed. I slept like a baby.

But here’s the thing: I was fully expecting to wake up the next morning stiff and sore. I wasn’t. I felt great!

I’ve now endured three sessions. I plan on going every day that I can during this 7-day trial period, mostly because I’m cheap and I want to make sure I get my money’s worth, but also because I am totally addicted to it. Seriously, three sessions later, I feel like a new man.

I still can’t do all the postures properly, but I’m making progress. Each time I get a little closer.

I feel energized and alert. And, I think it has positively affected my appetite. I don’t feel as hungry as I did before I started (not sure if there is empirical evidence to support the correlation, but I can’t think of any other reason I’m not craving tacos from Chubby’s).

The meditative part is nice too… I have a lot of clutter bouncing around the lobes these days so it's nice to unwind and clear my brain and be grounded and focused, if only for an hour-and-a-half.

And, yes, there are some interesting people there I’d like to get to know. Like Carmen, my first instructor, who is visiting from Chile. Note: if you are totally unfamiliar with yoga, it may be smart to find an instructor who speaks the same language you do (at least until you figure out what's going on).

Here’s a nice touch: When the final postures are done and the lights are dimmed and you’re resting comfortably on a mat in a puddle of your own sweat, slowly trying to convince your body to peel itself off the floor and head to the locker room… along comes the instructor delivering an ice-cold, wonderfully (mint-ish) scented wash cloth for your head, which is heavenly. And Ice Pops await you in the lobby on the way out the door (not sure if this is standard Bikram procedure or just a little something extra here at Durham Bikram).

Seems like small things, but to be honest, it’s become my motivation for getting through the last 30 minutes or so. Mantra: Cold, minty wash cloth, ice pop. Cold, minty wash cloth, ice pop….



Camel pose

What is Bikram Yoga?

Bikram Yoga is widely regarded as the most intense type of yoga. It involves 26 postures and two breathing exercises in 90 minutes, all performed in a room heated to 105 degrees, facilitated by a certified instructor. Each pose is done twice with a Savasana (rest pose) between each.

What’s going on during the Bikram Yoga session?

· Heavy sweating helps detoxify the body

· As the blood thins, the circulatory system is cleared

· The output of cells which fight infection is increased

· The heart rate is elevated

· Weight loss is made easier because the muscles are warmed and can burn fat more easily

What are the benefits of Bikram Yoga?

· Many bodily systems and functions – digestion, respiration, endocrine, lymphatic, and elimination – work in better harmony

· Balance, flexibility and coordination are increased

· Energy is increased

· Appetite is normalized (likely decreased)

· Cravings for unhealthful foods is decreased or eliminated

· Risk for sports injury is reduced

Yes, I admit it; I am addicted to Bikram Yoga. And I highly encourage everyone to give it a try. Couple pointers for the first timer: don’t eat for a few hours before the session and drink plenty of water beforehand. Also, just know that your clothes will be sopping wet almost immediately; so wear something appropriate or you will be miserable.

Namaste!

Bikram Yoga Durham

As Number of Recent Gay Teen Suicides Mount, Schools and Parents Must Do More to End Bullying and Intolerance

What in the world is going on?

In the month of September alone, there have been at least four teens in the US who were teased and humiliated to the point of suicide - apparently because they were gay or perceived as gay by their peers.

The most recent was 18-year-old Tyler Clementi, a student at Rutgers University in New Jersey; his young life, so full of promise, senselessly cut short when he was “outed” on the internet and subsequently jumped off the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River 600 feet below and died.

The others were even younger: 13-year-old Seth Walsh in California, 13-year-old Asher Brown in Texas, and 15-year-old Billy Lucas in Indiana.

Last year, an 11-year-old in Massachusetts hanged himself with an extension cord after being bullied by classmates who thought he was gay. An 11-year-old?

Certainly we have to look carefully at the data and determine whether these deaths are a coincidental blip or a disturbing trend. Whenever the media or politicians latch onto a story and run with it there’s always concern for knee-jerk reactions and unintended consequences.

Nevertheless, even one senseless, preventable teen-age death is a tragedy, so hopefully the light that mainstream media is shining on the issue will raise awareness and prompt schools and other institutions with influence to take action.

Schools, in particular, simply cannot ignore the issue. The consequences are too tragic.

Fortunately, there are quality resources available to schools, like the Southern Poverty Law Center's "Teaching Tolerance" program which provides free curriculum and other tools for teachers.

And hopefully all the media attention will spur meaningful dialogue in living rooms and kitchen tables across the country among parents and their children, gay and straight.

Parents need to understand that values such as sympathy, compassion, understanding and acceptance are primarily learned and reinforced in the home, mostly through modeling. As grownups, we have to show children with our actions what it means to do unto others as we would have them do unto us. As role models, we have to behave better ourselves.

I’ll be honest. As the father of two little girls, I’m terrified. Right now, they seem safe and secure in the cocoon of a wonderfully nurturing humanities elementary school in a particularly progressive college town. But time marches on and I know that middle and high school may be a different story. Being a parent isn’t easy these days. It’s even harder being a kid these days. And so much harder still if you are perceived as somehow “different” among your classmates.

According to a survey by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), nearly nine of out 10 students who identify themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender experienced harassment in the past year – a rate three times higher than students in general.

What’s so disappointing to me is this: I thought we would be further along in our evolution by now.

I remember thinking last year when my then first grade daughter spoke nonchalantly in passing about a classmate with two fathers, how the times they were (finally) changing. When instinctively she described the African-American classmate as the one with the bright orange dress instead of identifying her by skin color, it reaffirmed my hope for a color-blind future.

I thought bigotry, hatred, prejudice, intolerance… would soon be obsolete, destined for the junk heap along with rotary telephones and manual typewriters. Open-mindedness and tolerance seem much more consistent with the iPad generation.

If the findings in a recent study by the University of Michigan are factual, I may be wrong.

The report suggests that college students today are significantly less empathetic than their peers from 30 years ago. The researchers speculated that overexposure to media has desensitized an entire generation.

So, it looks like we still have a lot of work ahead of us. October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Seems like a good time to get started.

Below are some resources that might be helpful:

"Teaching Tolerance” is project of the Southern Poverty Law Center in Alabama (www.splcenter.org) that provides free anti-bias resources to schools and other groups (www.tolerance.org)

The Trevor Project (866) 4U TREVOR is a 24-hour national help line for gay and questioning teens.

Angels and Doves is a nation-wide anti-bullying non-profit organization (www.angelsanddoves.com)

Fourth of July Confessions of a Cynical Patriot

A friend recently accused me of being unpatriotic. This is my response to him:

I’ve come to realize that one can be patriotic and not be nationalistic… love your country without draping yourself in the flag and chanting “we’re number one” all the time.

I think it’s ok that an inspired futbol team from tiny Ghana kicked our ass in the World Cup… Clearly, it means more to them than it does to us. Let the Canadians have hockey. We don’t need to be #1 in everything (nor do we need to host the Olympics again). Maybe that makes me unpatriotic.

But did anybody really like the guy in high school who always got the girl and made straight A’s and made the winning shot at the buzzer? A little humility is a good thing.

In the wake of the terrorist attack on 9/11/2001, exposed and vulnerable, the world responded to us with compassion and support, which our renegade cowboy president at the time squandered with his arrogance and misplaced retaliation… so, we stopped eating French fries. How American.

Sometimes I think the rest of the world must sit back and chuckle at us. Comparatively, we’re just a young, fledgling country. As far as nations go, we’re an adolescent. Full of bravado... ego-centric... with our delusions of invincibility.

Dynasties rise and fall. Laws of gravity apply. More mature nations understand this better than we do. If I happen to think we’ve begun our slide, does that make me unpatriotic?

I’ve come to realize that I love my country the same way I love my great-grandmother who died before I was born… more as a matter of principle. But not passionately like a new lover or unconditionally like I love my children. Some people do.

I love my country. But I’m not infatuated with her.

My father was a sailor in World War II and two of my older brothers were drafted into the army during the Vietnam War. I know that their patriotism is different from mine in ways that I could never possibly understand. They might say that I live a cushy life and take freedom for granted. Perhaps that is true.

I love my country but I think it is flawed in many ways. Its past isn’t as glorious as revisionist text book writers would have us believe… From the near extinction of the natives to the legacy of slavery and Jim Crow to the needless occupation of Iraq today…

All "systems" seem broken (economic, justice, regulatory, welfare, housing, health care, education...).

Our brand of capitalism has seen its better day. Greed and gluttony and corruption caused its downfall. I still believe that free-market is preferable to socialism (or fill in the blank with whatever ism you prefer) but Goldman Sachs and the like are doing their part to close the gap.

Statesmanship has given way to ridiculousness; partisanship rules the day. Politicians are petty and self-serving and the electorate is apathetic and uninformed.

Maybe the gap between the haves and the have-nots is too great to bridge and never the twain shall meet and maybe we really do care more about cheap gas than we do Planet Earth and maybe there will never again be a time in which civility and bi-partisanship have a place in political discourse and maybe, just maybe, our founding fathers' little experiment has run its course.

Truth be told, this is the extent of my loyalty to the USA: when I no longer believe this is the best place to live and to raise my children, I’m out of here… Can one be patriotic and an ex-pat-in-waiting at the same time?

First and foremost, I am a citizen of the world. The ultimate freedom to me is to be unconfined by unfettered allegiances and invented borders.

By the way, I also think Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” is just god-awful. It’s trite and contrived and most any high school sophomore could come up with better lyrics. There I said it. Maybe that makes me unpatriotic.

Eighteen months after Barrack Obama was sworn into office, I’m beginning to question whether real change can happen. Progressives desperately wanted change and thought it would happen when we elected one of us. Maybe that was unrealistic. We’re a disillusioned and fatigued lot. Maybe that’s what this rambling on is really all about.

Whether it’s a series of natural ones or careless man-made ones, seems like our government really only has time for managing crises. If Obama isn’t the answer, maybe our problems are just too intractable and overwhelming to solve.

If my “Yes We Can” has turned into “I Just Don’t Know if We Can,” does that make me unpatriotic?

I just wanted, expected better from us. We have the potential for greatness, but, in my humble opinion, have fallen way short....

So, this evening as the NC Symphony strikes up the Star Spangled Banner before the fireworks illuminate the summer sky, I'll stand and place my right hand over my heart and sing along... "oh say can you see...." because these are the rituals that accompany this holiday and I'll try my best to feel proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free because I guess that's what it means to be patriotic.

But, it won't be without a little cynicism. And sadness.

Hunger in America: Reports Confirm Escalating Crisis among Children; Federal Programs Effective, Important

The U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Economic Research Service recently reported that 49 million Americans, including nearly 17 million children, are food insecure - which means they do not always know where they will find their next meal.

The new data reinforces recent findings from a comprehensive research study conducted by Feeding America, the nation’s leading hunger-relief organization, reflecting a dramatic increase in requests for emergency food assistance from food banks across the country.

Feeding America Study Confirms Hunger Crisis

Conducted last September, the Feeding America study shows that its network of food banks experienced an average increase in need of nearly 30 percent in 2008, the year during which this data was collected. While the numbers vary geographically, some food banks are reporting increases of more than 50 percent in requests for emergency food assistance over the year prior.

“It is tragic that so many people in this nation of plenty don’t have access to adequate amounts of nutritious food,” said Vicki Escarra, president and CEO of Feeding America.

Although these new numbers are staggering, it should be noted that they reflect the state of the nation in 2008. National socio-economic indicators, including the high unemployment rate and the number of working-poor, would lead one to assume that the number of people facing hunger will be even higher when 2009 data is released.

The Implications of Food Insecurity

From birth, the intake of vital nutrients is essential to the growth and development of a healthy individual. Good nutrition, particularly in the first three years of life, is important in establishing and maintaining a good foundation that has implications on a child’s future physical and mental health, academic achievement, and economic productivity. Unfortunately, food insecurity is an obstacle that threatens that critical foundation.

In the United States, more than one out of six children lives in a household with food insecurity.

Inadequate Nutrition or Food Insecurity Has Adverse Affects on:

Physical Health: Insufficient nutrition puts children at risk for illness and weakens their immune system. The immature immune systems of young children, ages birth to 5, make them especially vulnerable to nutritional deprivation and as a result, the ability to learn, grow, and fight infections is adversely affected. Research reveals, in comparison to food secure children, children from food insecure families are 90 percent more likely to be in fair or poor health and have 30 percent higher rates of hospitalization. Not only does the lack of sufficient nutrition take a toll on a child’s health but has economic consequences for families as well. The average cost for a single hospitalization for pediatric illness is $11,300.

Behavior and Mental Heath: The lack of adequate nutrition affects the cognitive and behavioral development of children. Child development is the manner in which children attain skills in memory, cognition, language, motor ability, social interaction, behavior and perception. Children without reliable food are more likely to experience irritability, fatigue, and difficulty concentrating compared to other children. Research has shown that food insecurity was associated with grade repetition, absenteeism, tardiness, anxiety, aggression, poor mathematics scores, psychosocial dysfunction and difficulty with social interaction among 6 to 12 year old children (Watson, Davison 2007). Food insecurity has also shown to be associated with suicide and depressive disorders among 15 to 16 year old children after controlling for income and other factors.

Child Development: Food insecurity puts children in jeopardy of developmental risk in areas such as language, behavior, and movement, which subsequently increases the likelihood of later problems with attention, learning, and social interaction.

School Readiness and Achievement: Children from food insecure households are likely to be behind in their academic development compared to other children which ultimately makes it difficult for them to reach the same level of development as their fellow food secure peers.

Assistance for Vulnerable Children is Available

Fortunately, there are federal nutrition assistance programs available to help low income families with meeting the nutritional needs of their children and protect them from the consequences of malnutrition and under nutrition, about which research consistently bears out the efficacy and positive outcomes.

Nevertheless, during periods of budget shortfall and recession, school nutrition programs often get cut, which is unfortunate considering the valuable safety net they provide to some of country’s more vulnerable young people.

Economists and social scientists alike point to the positive return on investment in early childhood nutrition programs; without which, the social, moral and fiscal costs of a generation of unhealthy and underachieving students are likely to be exponentially more.

A few of the critical federal programs:

Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP): Research includes a 2005 study (Fronillo, Jyoti, and Jones) that shows an association between improved math and reading scores during Kindergarten to third grade among children participating in SNAP in comparison to children who did not participate or who dropped out of the program during the same time period.

National School Lunch Program: Research shows that children participating in the program consume more vitamin B12, calcium, protein, magnesium, riboflavin, zinc and fiber compared to children not participating in the program. Participation in the program has been shown to be associated with higher average intake of nutrients and lower intake of added sugars; participants are more likely to consume milk, vegetables, meat and other protein-rich foods than non-participants.

Special Supplemental Program for Women, Infants, and Children (WIC): There is vast amount of research that participation in the WIC program increases the intake of nutrients among children. Research reveals that WIC decreases the prevalence of anemia and iron deficiency among children. Participation in the program increases the intake of vitamin B6, folate and iron.

These minerals are important because vitamin B6 assists the body’s use of protein, carbohydrates and fat, folate assists in producing and maintaining new cells and iron assists in transporting oxygen and maintaining a healthy immune system.

Physicians have rated the health status of children participating in WIC as better than children not participating in the program. WIC participation also increases the chances that children will get immunized and assist children in retrieving preventive health services.

School Breakfast Program (SBP): Research by Bhattacharya, Currie, and Haider 2004 found that the SBP assists in improving the quality of calories consumed, decreasing the percentage of calories from fat and reducing the probability of low fiber intake. In addition, the program reduces the probability of low intake of vitamins C and E, folate, iron, and potassium. Research by Meyers Sampson, Weitzman, Rogers, and Kayne found that children who eat breakfast at school have better standardized achievement test scores, reduced tardiness, and improved attendance. Numerous other studies make the correlation between children who eat breakfast have improved academic, behavioral, and emotional functioning.

Clearly, nutrition is not only vital for the growth and development of children but has direct and indirect implications for the education, health, and productivity of our nation as a whole. Of particular concern are children of color who face disproportionately higher rates of poverty, food insecurity, and lower academic achievement.

Nutrition is and will continue to be an important component to the health and prosperity of the country. Consequently, it is crucial to ensure that our nation continues to invest in federal nutrition programs which provide a critical safety net, anything short of which is unconscionable.

Number of Homeless Families and Children on the Rise in US: National Disgrace

Homeless. What image comes to mind? There’s the dirty old woman in tattered clothes who hunkers down on the sidewalk outside my office. She mumbles unintelligibly to no one in particular and smokes cigarillos. She’s known to verbally assault anyone who makes eye contact, so I don’t.

There’s the self-identified Viet Nam vet on the corner of the Interstate exit ramp holding a handmade sign in one hand and a fifth of Jack Daniels in the other.

Those two are easy to peg as homeless.

Certainly mental illness and substance abuse play a major role in the issue. But the truth of the matter is that the homeless come in all packages. It’s not as easy to peg the cute kid who sits next to my daughter in kindergarten as homeless.

Most homeless are hidden from view – in cardboard camps like the one in the woods behind the big box stores out University Drive between Durham and Chapel Hill, otherwise a shining example of capitalism a-flourishing. Or the ones bouncing from one temporary shelter to another or to the houses of classmate to classmate - perhaps never sleeping out in the cold, but homeless nevertheless.

The ranks of the homeless include hard-working families living paycheck to paycheck when the paychecks stop coming for some reason.... and runaway teens and displaced immigrants, and social renegades. And battered women and their young children with nowhere to turn. There are those who find themselves in such dire straits because of a lifetime of bad choices and others through no fault of their own.

There are those who will get their lives back together with a little help and others who will die on the streets.

They all deserve another chance.

The most tragic victims of homelessness are children, who make up about 27% of the homeless population, according to estimates recently reported by the National Center on Family Homelessness (NCFH). An alarming 1.5 million children (or 1 out of every 50 children in America) are homeless, which is unconscionable in a nation as prosperous as the US.

Families with children are now the fastest growing sub-group among the homeless population; they account for about 40% of the people who become homeless each year. About 50% of America's homeless women and children are running from domestic abuse.

The effects of the economic downturn – including increasing numbers of foreclosures, job losses, rising food and fuel prices, and inadequate supplies of low-cost housing – will surely add to the numbers of children and families among the ranks of the homeless.

Homeless Children More Likely to be Hungry, Sick and Underachieve in School

Not surprising: children without homes are twice as likely to experience hunger as other children; two-thirds worry they won’t have enough to eat; more than one-third report being forced to skip meals.

Homeless children are more than twice as likely as middle class children to have moderate to severe acute and chronic health problems.

They are twice as likely as other children to repeat a grade in school, to be expelled or suspended and to drop out of school. The graduation rate among homeless children is less than 25%.

Not only do homeless children lack basic shelter, but they also suffer from a lack of safety, comfort, privacy, a sense of routine and normalcy, adequate health care, sustaining relationships, and a sense of community. These factors combine to create a life-altering experience that inflicts profound and lasting scars.

Ultimately, homelessness is a death sentence. The average age of death for individuals living without shelter is 48 years. That’s about a 30-year shorter life expectancy than the average American.

Like most social ills, the issues surrounding child homelessness are complex. Solutions aren’t easy to find, but they do exist.

In its America’s Youngest Outcasts: State Report Card on Child Homelessness, the NCFH suggests that it is possible to “end child homelessness within a decade” but only if it becomes a national priority.

The Report provides a number of recommendations for federal and state governments which should be implemented right away.

According to the report, at least six states have created extensive plans to combat child homelessness, and a dozen additional states have done significant planning. We should learn from the states that are successful and replicate what works everywhere else.

For me, stable shelter should be considered a basic human right and among the nation’s most urgent priorities. If we fail to act, the consequences will play out for years to come as a generation of lost children grows to adulthood.

Government alone can't solve the problem of homelessness (and shouldn't be expected to).  It should, however, recognize the issue as a crisis and assert the political will to solve it.  Other sectors should follow: corporate, faith, media, nonprofits, education, entertainment and individuals from all walks of life.

The outpouring of support following the recent earthquake in Haiti once again demonstrated America's generosity and desire to lend a helping hand during times of crisis, which is inspiring. Still, there are children and families in every large and small city across the US struggling to survive, as well.

As you read this, I urge you to agree with me that it is unacceptable for even one child in the United States to be homeless for even one day. Each of us must take the actions necessary to end this national disgrace.



Homeless family living in a car - flickr

 



Eating Disorders Common Among Young Girls, Teens -- Overweight Epidemic Shouldn't Overshadow Dangers of Bulimia

The topic of childhood obesity receives a tremendous amount of exposure in the mainstream media these days, which is understandable. Certainly, there is reason to be concerned about the health of children who are overweight.

But what about the “thin at any cost” messages that are resulting in a generation of young people afraid to eat, whose self-esteem is damaged when the image they see in the mirror doesn’t conform to the unrealistic standard of beauty perpetuated by the glamour industry?

Children Afraid to Eat

According to Frances Berg, who wrote the book Children and Teens Afraid to Eat – Helping Youth in Today’s Weight-Obsessed World (Healthy Weight Network, 2001), parents should be equally concerned about children who are spending an inordinate amount of energy on unhealthy diets and who are developing potentially deadly eating disorders.

The truth of the matter is that healthy people come in all shapes and sizes. Children should be encouraged to eat a well-balanced diet, avoid a sedentary lifestyle and love the person they see looking back in the mirror.

Walks in the woods, working in the garden, playing chase with kids in the neighborhood and romping with the family dog in the park all work well. You don’t have to belong to a gym to be fit.

But when thin-as-a-rail seven-year-old girls are complaining that their thighs are too fat and perfectly healthy kindergartners beg their parents to let them go on a diet - something is wrong in the messages adults are sending them.

The emphasis should be on health, wellness, balance and moderation (and not size and shape).

My oldest daughter is seven. She’s lean and strong and athletic and healthy. But she’s already spending a lot of time in front of the mirror. As the first important man in her life, I just hope I have the wisdom to help her through these next few tricky years.

I’ll be a frequent visitor to Berg’s Healthy Weight Network website.

Andrea’s Voice – Resource for Information on Bulimia, Other Eating Disorders

Another valuable resource is Andrea’s Voice Foundation (AVF). Its website, Andrea's Voice, provides information and support for parents baffled by their child’s eating behavior.



The foundation came into being following the death in 1999 of Tom and Doris Smeltzer's daughter, Andrea, due to complications related to bulimia. Since then, the Smeltzers have become experts on the topic and have delivered presentations at hundreds of universities, conferences and organizations around the world. AVF is dedicated to promoting education and understanding toward the prevention, identification, diagnosis and treatment of disordered eating and related issues.

The book, Andrea’s Voice… Silenced by Bulimia (Gurze, 2006 ), written by Doris, describes Andrea as a young woman who "had the world at her feet: she was vibrant, talented, strong, and beautiful."

But after a one-year struggle with bulimia, Andrea died in her sleep at the age of 19, catapulting her mother into a journey of self-discovery and realizations about her daughter and herself.

Proceeds from the sale of the book help fund the foundation. You can order it on the website.



I got to know Doris a few years ago when an organization I was running, The Center for Child Advocacy and Research, worked with her to put on the Children: Health, Weight and Wellness symposium in Napa, CA.

What Doris and Tom unfortunately know all too well is that eating disorders, particularly among teen girls and young women, is a common problem. And sometimes, the results are tragic.

Results which will continue, unfortunately, as long as society continues its weight-loss and thinness obsession.





When it Comes to Healthcare Reform, Government isn’t the Enemy

Winter is coming on and Congress and the rest of us continue our spirited debate over healthcare reform - understandable considering what’s at stake and the slew of devils in the details. I’m all for taking our time and getting it right. There's plenty for conservatives and liberals alike to cringe about what's being proposed. But one point that continues to pop up among the Ann Coulters of the late night talk show circuit, however, rubs me the wrong way: the “Do you really want government running healthcare?” point, which is insulting.

Government isn’t the enemy.

Despite all the criticism and its shortcomings, government does a pretty good job with a vast array of services that we all have the luxury of taking for granted: defending us from harm; getting mail to us reasonably quickly and inexpensively; educating (all) our children - regardless of gargantuan disparities in culture, socio-economic status and myriad other challenges among its consumers; ensuring that our highways are safe enough to drive on (been to India lately?) and our water is clean enough to drink....

Consequently, I'm less fearful of government taking a more substantial role in healthcare than Ms. Coulter and some others are. For me, some things are just too important (the courts) or too big (natural disasters) to leave to the private sector alone. Healthcare falls into both categories.

Truth be told, I haven’t been any more impressed with the efficiency or customer service delivery of big corporations than I have with big government. Dealt with the automated operator at your local energy company lately? Or telephone provider? Or Blue Cross Blue Shield, for that matter? Before you finally decide you’ve been on hold long enough and hang up, it will sound a lot like bureaucracy. But I got my North Carolina driver license reinstated last week at the much-maligned DMV just fine despite big budget cuts and staff reductions.

I’ve worked closely alongside a number of Departments of Social Services (DSS) throughout my career – an agency whose reputation epitomizes the ineffectiveness of government. But the problem with every DSS (and most other public human service agency) I've known is lack of funding. Not leadership, innovation, creativity, efficiency, motivation. Unlike private companies, public welfare agencies can’t turn away customers. Since abused children and indigent adults have never been much of a national priority, funds are perennially inadequate and case loads among social workers swell to unmanageable numbers. If you think DSS does a shoddy job, you should lobby for more funding.

If the recent scandals by scoundrels on Wall Street taught us anything, it should be that the private sector isn’t always the knight-in-shining-armor answer to all our problems that the anti-government throng would want us to be believe. I’m at least as suspicious of the motives and intentions of big business as I am of big government. The public and private sectors are equally susceptible to greed and gluttony and mismanagement and incompetency....

But here’s the honest truth: left to the private sector, our healthcare system has failed us. Acknowledging this reality doesn’t make me a socialist.

Free-market capitalism (undeniably the greatest economic system in the world) has one function: to make as hefty a profit as possible and fleece the pockets of its shareholders. That's why there's such a disconnect when it comes to reconciling a system with dollar signs rolling around its eyes with ensuring the health of a nation. That's why we don't leave the courts to private companies, for example. The point of court isn't to make money. Consequently, it falls beyond the scope of a for-profit company. Same argument for the healthcare industry. Necessary functions of a civilized society which don’t, by nature, generate revenue nor follow the traditional laws of supply and demand should be left to government and the nonprofit sector.

Government isn’t the enemy.

Consider: only government had the wherewithal to dam the mighty Colorado and subsequently bring life to the wild west or connect all corners of the country through its Interstate highway system or to take on Governor Wallace when he was standing in the doorways of the University of Alabama to keep blacks from entering in or to distribute enough flu shots to ward off a pandemic or keep lead out of the paint on the walls of the schools where my children sit everyday...

Certainly, government has its flaws. It will never be the only answer. When it fails, we should all call it to task and insist it work better for us. The federal government’s response to Hurricane Katrina was disgraceful. We learn from our mistakes and improve – for the sake of victims of the inevitable next natural disaster. But government shouldn’t just turn a blind eye and hope others step up to the plate. Collectively, as a people, we have a responsibility to lend a hand to those in need. We can't all drop everything and rebuild houses on the gulf coast. But, we all pay taxes and, for most of us, that's the contribution we can make.

Nor should we categorically dismiss a public option, for example, because government isn't perfect. That’s a slap in the face of all of us who participate in its process by paying taxes, electing officials and writing letters to our senators. And it seems like a contradiction when such rhetoric comes from the party that most likes to drape itself in the flag and stake its claim to patriotism.

Government isn’t the enemy. We are the government. Call me naive, but I just happen to believe that we the people are capable of great feats and our aspirations should be mighty. Perhaps healthcare reform will be the Hoover Dam of my generation.

Mentoring Works

The challenges that many young people face these days are well known. The truth of the matter is that it's tough being a kid. Add a few unfortunate circumstances to the equation, or "risk factors" as we call them in the human services field, such as living in poverty or growing up in an abusive home, and the odds for success become even steeper.

Unfortunately, certain neighborhoods in the Southside of Chicago and other pockets throughout the US provide the perfect formula for failure for its young people. For too many, the odds are almost insurmountable.

But, it's not all bad news. Every day, children who are on a collision course with failure find that spark within themselves and figure out a way to buck the trend. Children are amazingly resilient. The ones who survive typically have someone in their corner.

I've spent most of my career working with children and have come to the realization that the most effective way for wounded children to heal is through the power of relationships. What many of our vulnerable children need most is some responsible adult in their lives who can send this message loud and clear: "I'm just not going to let you fail."

Preferably from someone who isn't paid to be there, like a volunteer mentor.

The benefits of mentoring are irrefutable: youth with mentors have better attendance and attitude toward school, have less drug and alcohol use, have more trusting relationships and better communication with parents and caregivers, are less violent, have a better chance of going on to higher education and are less likely to get pregnant (to name a few). City officials in Chicago (as well as the White House) are wise to push mentoring as one solution to the violence wreaking havoc in some of its schools and communities. More cities should do the same.

It's been estimated that there are 17.6 million young people in the United States who could benefit from a one-on-one mentoring relationship, but only 2.5 million have one (that's less than 15 percent).

The impact of spending an hour or so a week with a child can be tremendous.

Ask Durham (NC) City Councilman Mike Woodard. Years ago, Mike mentored a young boy who was failing miserably in school. Mike noticed that he had real artistic talent and enrolled him in a series of classes at the Durham Arts Council. Almost immediately, his outlook improved. His grades got better and he was less of a trouble-maker. The boy eventually graduated from high school and enrolled in a community college to pursue a degree in commercial art. Who knows what path he would have taken if not for Mike?

Like most mentors, Mike claims that the experience was just as positive for him as for the child. He continues to be a strong supporter of mentoring. In fact, he and I worked together to form an alliance of mentoring organizations in Durham a few years ago in an effort to find a suitable mentor for every kid in town who needs one.

Or ask Tasha Melvin, who runs mentoring programs at a local nonprofit. At age 6, Tasha and her twin sister were matched with a mentor, Jane Gallagher, whom Tasha claims "transformed" their lives. When Tasha talks about Jane, with a quiver in her voice and a tear in her eye, there becomes little doubt about the value of mentors. Even though Jane was introduced to the twins nearly three decades ago, her impact is still felt every day. Tasha went on to dedicate herself to helping young people like her who had a rough start in life.

Undeniably, too many of our children are in trouble. But solutions exist. And almost everyone can contribute in some way. Perhaps mentoring a young child who needs a positive, adult role model in his or her life can be your contribution.

You don't need any special skills or education to be a good mentor. You just need to care about kids and have a little extra time on your hands. And it doesn't cost a lot of money. A birthday present or a Happy Meal from time to time may be appropriate. But most mentoring programs I know about specifically ask that you don't spend much money on the child. Mostly what the kid will need from you is your time, as well as your patience, trust, respect and ear. And to teach them the really important things in life: how to tie a tie or make a grilled cheese sandwich or balance a checkbook or treat a girlfriend with respect...

Sound like something you can do? For more information and to find a mentoring program in your area, visit: mentoring.org

Misunderstanding of Common Childhood Mental Health Disorder is Major Problem in US Foster Care System

A few years ago, I spent a good bit of my time crisscrossing the country lecturing on the topic of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) -- a mental health disorder common among children who were subject to severe abuse and neglect during critical stages of brain development in infancy.

I argued then that the misdiagnosing and subsequent counterproductive treatment of the disorder was the single biggest issue confounding the child welfare system.

I still think that’s true. I don’t see any evidence that the situation is improving. In fact, it’s reached a crisis point and we need to make this issue more a part of our national dialogue.

Reactive Attachment Disorder is caused when an infant doesn’t bond properly to its primary caregiver. This basic loss results in ongoing feelings of rage, shame, lack of trust, a morbid fear of attaching to anyone, an inability to understand cause and effect thinking and a compulsive need to control everyone and every situation.

Extreme cases are typically caused by chronic neglect in early infancy followed by years of instability -- an all-too-common formula for children in foster care.

Without proper intervention, these children have little chance of meaningful relationships. In foster care, they often bounce from foster home to foster home as one well-meaning foster parent after another gives up because of the severity of the child's behavior problems; each move exacerbates the condition. Children with RAD are masterful at rejecting caregivers and burning bridges.

They get labeled “unadoptable” and frequently spend their entire childhoods in foster care, a system designed to be temporary. The far end of the continuum includes children who are violent, destructive, unmanageable, dangerous and sociopathic.

Experiences early in life have a tremendously important impact on the developing brain. We recognize now that it doesn’t take a fist or a blunt object to cause brain damage.


In the cerebral cortex (where language, emotion and logic are developed), for example, trauma or lack of stimulation during infancy leads to the underdevelopment of neurotransmitters in that region. Consequently, this section of the brain is actually smaller in abused, neglected children than in healthy children. Traumatized infants secrete abnormally high amounts of stress hormones which have myriad adverse and long-term effects, as well. So, when a child with RAD seems incapable of trust or empathy or remorse, there’s good reason to believe that its etiology is neurological in nature and not just willful disobedience. 

The good news is that with proper treatment, RAD children rehabilitate and function well in families and society. There’s even reason to be optimistic that damaged areas of the brain can be repaired. In the hands of a skilled Attachment Therapist along with the commitment of an invested caregiver, children with RAD typically show signs of marked improvement in a matter of months.

However, traditional insight-oriented, relationship-based, cognitive/behavioral therapies are ineffective in treating the disorder, and in some ways counterproductive. As are typical parenting methods. Without proper treatment, children with compromised attachment continue to struggle in virtually all settings: home, school, residential treatment programs, etc. That’s the big problem: only a small percentage of the children who need specialized treatment for the disorder are receiving it. We insist on putting square pegs in round holes and shaking our heads at its futility. 

When I was on the road, everywhere I went, workshop participants complained about lack of resources for these children. We need more clinicians trained in an attachment model; we need more accurate diagnosing. These children are frequently misdiagnosed because their symptoms can look like a lot of different disorders, Bipolar Disorder and ADHD, for example. We waste a lot of precious time going down the wrong path with these kids. Key players system-wide need a better understanding of the nuances of the disorder including social workers, judges, pediatricians, children’s attorneys and advocates, not just mental health workers.

Caregivers need special training to be effective. Behavior management strategies such as positive reinforcement, time out, token economies and other standard parenting techniques just don’t work with these children. Too often, foster and adoptive parents lose faith in the mental health and social service systems. They feel helpless and hopeless regarding any positive outcome and they give up. Who can blame them?

And, there’s no escaping politics. Especially in child welfare, treatment often comes down to a battle among the state, the courts and insurance companies over who’s responsible for payment -- particularly in communities where specialized treatment isn’t readily available and the only option is sending the child out-of-state for expensive treatment. Too often, the child doesn’t get the help he or she needs.

Instead he wastes time in the office of an ill-equipped therapist. We then blame the child for not making progress. To me, it’s analogous to prescribing Tylenol for a child with diabetes who needs insulin to survive, and then absolving yourself of responsibility once you do. It’s unconscionable, but it’s what I see a lot of communities doing.

It is estimated that RAD affects 3-6% of the overall population. But it is rampant within the child welfare system, I think. There’s no way to know for sure how many of the approximately 600,000 foster children in the US are suffering from RAD, but I’m positive the disorder is flying under the radar and contributing significantly to the chaotic state of our foster care system. I personally know dozens of children who’ve been in ten, fifteen, even 30 different foster homes. Again, I attribute much of problem to undiagnosed and untreated RAD.

The prognosis is poor for children with RAD who don’t get the help they need as they reach adulthood and are released from protective care. Approximately 20,000 foster children age out of the system each year, often with no familial connections and nowhere to go. Too often they end up homeless, incarcerated, institutionalized and dead. And, they’re raising the next generation of attachment-compromised children. Inadequate mental health care is one of the primary reasons for such dismal outcomes.

If the State is going to be so bold as to remove a child from his parents because they’re incapable, then it has a responsibility to provide the highest quality of services for that child. The child is already at a tremendous disadvantage. The State, acting in loco parentis, should expect and demand the same high level of medical, mental health and educational services as any good parent would for their child. Unfortunately, that’s not happening.

The consequences for society are more far-reaching than one might realize. We already know that a vast majority of habitual felons were abused as children. I don’t think it takes much to extrapolate that a large percentage of them are adults with undiagnosed and untreated RAD. Our prisons are filled with RAD kids grown up, I believe.

It makes sense when you consider that children with RAD typically lack self-control, have antisocial attitudes and behavior, are aggressive and violent and lack empathy, compassion and remorse. Isn’t that exactly the same set of adjectives we use to describe hardened criminals?

Like most disorders, prevention and early intervention are the best solutions. I recommend learning more about RAD by visiting the website for the Association for Treatment and Training of Attachment of Children (ATTACh) at www.attach.org, where you’ll also be able to locate registered attachment therapists and clinics in your area.

It comes down to priorities. We know what the problem is and what the solution is. What’s left to be seen is whether we’ll actually devote the energy and resources to fix it.

Neglected child's brain underdeveloped